Anxiety

I guess we have all suffered from it at one point in our lives, but I only have occasionally up until lately.  I would get it at particular times, when something was due in school, or an exam, before an interview or review.  I would also have mild panic attacks when we had the business and there was no money and a stack of bills, I think you know the kind of anxiety I am talking about, the kind of not knowing how in the @#$% you were going to keep the business running, let alone feed your family.  Well lately I have had that kind of anxiety on a daily basis.  I wake up with a sense of dread.  Like the whole world is going to come crashing down around me.

As some of you know John lost a very good job about 3 1/2 months ago, he didn't work for about 10 weeks, and is working now, but for how long I don't know, so I guess that has a lot to do with it.  He doesn't really like the place he is at, he tolerates it, but that is it, and I also know that it won't take much for him to leave there.  But the other problem is that he is making about 25 % less money and working less hours, and works out to about 50 % less take home pay than before.  UGH, now I am back to the "how the heck am I going to pay all the bills and feed my family" anxiety.  Well that results in me having to look for work, I have had what I thought were a few promising interviews, but did not result in a job.  Why is it I can be so busy on a daily basis with my volunteer work, which is no different than what I would be getting paid for, yet I can't get hired.  I know I will not earn as much as John, I will be lucky if I get 1/2 what he takes home, but I look at it as though if I can make enough to buy groceries and incidentals I will be happy and I am contributing to the household. On the other hand it bothers me that my kids will be suffering as a result of me working, I won't be around for helping in the school, or field trips, Colin will likely have to go in the before or after school program.  After school activities will most likely be out for Monique because if she stays after school I have to pick her up, unless there is someone else in the same activity picking up their child and lives near us, but this NEVER happens, I pick her up 2 - 3 days a week.

I keep saying to relax, be patient and a great job will fall into your lap.  I would kinda like it to happen now, but part of me wants it to happen after the summer, that way I can prepare the kids, and we can realize it will be the last summer of freedom so we can just kick back and enjoy it!!!!  I guess what will be will be, and I will have to wait and see!!  Thanks for listening.

Cheers,
Shelley